Does the mere mention of the phrase “screen time” elicit pangs of guilt or a little anxiety? You’re not alone! The world of screens and social media can get very hairy especially for parents trying to figure out the best parameters for their family. Hear our honest takes on the subject and what we do with our kids as we look at screen time for every stage from babies to teens.
Does the mere mention of the phrase “screen time” elicit pangs of guilt or a little anxiety? You’re not alone! The world of screens and social media can get very hairy especially for parents trying to figure out the best parameters for their family. Hear our honest takes on the subject and what we do with our kids as we look at screen time for every stage from babies to teens.
Welcome to raising healthy families with moms Nene Kiwi. We're giving you the tools to enjoy the beauty and chaos of life with little ones in the healthiest way possible.
Maureen:screentime it can be a scary word for parents everywhere. figuring out what's best for your family can be quite challenging, especially when recommendations clash with reality. Join three real moms as we discussed the dangers of screen time and social media and how we navigate these hot topics with our kids from the baby stage through the teen years.
Annie:Hi, everyone. Thank you for joining us. For our first episode. We're so excited to bring you this podcast and cannot wait to help you raise happy and healthy families.
Maureen:This school year face to face instruction may return for many, but digital learning tools are here to stay. With the influx of new digital learning devices and platforms. Your Back to School essentials list is changing. With circle home Plus, you can manage screentime across all your family's connected devices wherever they go. And keep kids safe online. From filtering inappropriate content to keeping tabs on online usage. A few taps in the circle app are all it takes to customize circle for each family member. Circles bundle device and app is the most comprehensive parental control solution to manage screentime both inside and outside the home. Plus the bedtime feature allows parents to set a time to automatically disconnect devices from the internet to help your kids and you get a better night's sleep. You can learn more at meet circle comm Make sure to use promo code mom's may 2021. On meet circle.com to take 20% off circle home plus device last one year or lifetime app subscription offer expires 10 1521.
Chrissy:All right, so let's dive in. We're going to talk all things screentime. It's always a big conversation that I know is super important. But it's also really hard to navigate. So I'm just excited to be here with some other moms to be able to talk through this organically and just kind of discussing it in a safe setting. So the nice thing about being here with the three of you is we all have different kids in different age ranges. So be great to really kind of talk through discussing what our typical routine looks like with our kids. And some worrying you have the youngest of the crew here. So why don't you go first and talk about what your screentime routine looks like in your house.
Maureen:Okay, all right. So obviously, I tried to limit it as much as possible. But that's, that's not the reality of the situation. So my son, the two and a half year old might watch a little TV in the morning, some days when we're just waking up and mom and dad need coffee or we're very tired because the baby was up all night. And then we sometimes let them watch TV when we're making dinner is kind of what we're doing. So we're just in the TV stage right now for us. We don't we haven't ventured into the rest, which I know adds a whole new layer of complication. But that's a typical day maybe on a Friday night we might watch a movie together. But it's it's usually not during the day just a little bit in the morning or a little bit at night and on good days. Not at all. Yeah,
Chrissy:right. Well, that's in a perfect world. What about your your there your daughter does she is she interested in like the colors of the screen yet?
Maureen:So she likes the TV way too much for a seven month old. That's That's the problem. What are we going to do? They're in the same room. There's a TV in the playroom. And that's where, you know, my son does much most of his TV watching and she's sitting there and she wants to look at it, too. I know she's supposed to have zero interaction with a TV at this age, but she watches it. Yeah,
Chrissy:that's real life. Yeah, for sure. I know. We always struggle with that with our second I was always like she What's going on? Like, can she even see what's on the screen? I think that they really like the different movements and colors but it's hard when you have another child and the next set they want to watch TV so and that's it I'm struggling with now and we'll get into that but my routine it really changes right so during the week in a perfect good week where right now we're in summertime so kids are in camp full time. So same as zoomarine when they wake up they'll usually watch something and actually it's been it's kind of like this might not be the right parenting move but it lets me sleep a little bit later because that till like dad and mom and dad get to close their eyes and we can put like survival mode. A little bit of TV in the morning like you know right before the breakfast. And then the same with the dinner time routine trying to because otherwise there's no cooking dinner in the house, you know, especially at the ages, now my eight year old will have like he's starting to help with dinner time, like setting the table and all that. So, but yeah, those are really the two biggest times. I've been pretty big on not having screentime. At nighttime. My husband and I disagree slightly on that. But we'll jump into that whole conversation later. Amy, how about you, I feel like we always look to you for advice, because you've told us yeah, and you're the cheap mom, Ambassador, we want to get advice from you.
Annie:Gosh, I'm not sure if I'm the right person to get advice from but in this arena, I have tried a lot of things. And of course, when they were very little, it was very similar to what Maureen you're talking about. But our lives and how things look now is very different. We actually don't even have cable, like we don't have real TV. So we do have, obviously a TV, but we don't have something that they can just turn on at any time. And you know, so they all have, we kind of all have their own devices. That's kind of how we do it. And we just have our subscription, typical subscriptions that we have. But in the summertime, it definitely the routine looks different than during school time, during school time. Of course, we don't allow in anything in the morning, before school. But then on the weekends, you know, it's great to be able to have the kids get on their devices in the morning, so we can get a little extra sleep. So that's always great. In the summertime. Right now, what we're trying is, you know, no screen time in the morning. But they do have a certain amount of screen time on their individual devices allotted for that day. So you know, they might have you know, I don't know, it depends on the age range. But you know, Olivia, my youngest might have a maximum of two hours allowed on her iPad. And so once that iPad reaches its limit, it will no longer be accessible to her. So that's one of the things that we do. And of course, during the summer, you know, we do have movie nights and things like that. So that doesn't kind of count against their individual screen time. But that's currently our routine. And with my oldest being 14, she definitely gets a little bit more screentime. And we don't have limits on her because we have her moderating her self. And so we have an agreement that she would be the one making sure she doesn't go over a certain amount of time on her devices. And so far, she's agreeable, and shifts, it seems like she's holding up her end of the bargain. And we've kind of said, you know, talked about how we'll, we'll have a discussion. If it looks like she's going above and beyond her the agreed upon screen time. So she's okay aware of that. And the other last point is we don't have social media for her. We don't allow it. Currently. She's going into high school next year. I don't even know what's gonna come up with that whole thing. I'm a little scared about, you know what that'll bring. And I think we're open to having conversations when she brings it up, and she wants social media. I think we are going to have a conversation. I just don't know what that's gonna look like. Yeah. Well,
Chrissy:I feel like you're winning at the Mom, you're winning at the parenting contest. So I love what I'm that kind of like, jumps into the next conversation pieces. How do you feel about screentime device usage happening in your house? Like, I know, I feel some sort of way like, because it is it's a double edged sword, right? Like screentime is great if you're trying to get some things done or even like, even during the school year, right? Like the kids are out of the house all day then they go right to sport sporting events, then we eat dinner, like it's nice to kind of just decompress and like sit down and just watch something. But it is really hard to find that happy medium of like, not being too strict with it. Then also giving that leeway. Like I love that you give each kid based on their age, the different time and usage. Maureen, how do you feel about like the screen time and the amount of usage that's happening in your house currently.
Maureen:Okay, so it hasn't been good because we all got our first cold in a year you know in June and so when My son wasn't feeling well. He wanted to rest on the couch. So he watched more TV than one should allow a two and a half year old. But he and now he calls it I just want to chill on the couch. And then I'll tell me what to watch Show. I'm like, Okay, well, you're saying the word chill. So that's hilarious. Gets me. But we we've gotten into we were in that, you know cycle when like someone in the house isn't feeling well. So you get a little bit more rest time you're not out side in the heat, you're, you know, you're not playing with your toys as much. So that's kind of like the cycle that I'm trying to get out of right now. So I'd say that we've done better at other times in the year, but right now and then our thing is, I feel like the more he watches, the more he wants to watch and the more he asks for it. So every morning, can I watch a little bit of Bubble Guppies, like? And I just said no, not right now. Maybe later. Because if I say No, never. Yeah, it's a battle. So it could be better right now.
Chrissy:Well, yeah. And I mean, I totally understand that. And again, like it also at least I feel this way. Like it depends on your life stage. Right. It's harder, obviously, when you're all sick in the house, or whatever the circumstances, but like, just last night, actually, you So again, we talked about, like during dinner time, the kids will have it, but we actually took it away last night because my eight year old was punished. And it was like a beautiful thing. Yeah, my son and daughter went out front. They drove up they they drew sidewalk chalk on the driveway while I was cooking, I could see them. And they were outside the whole time. And I was like, Oh my gosh, this is like what it was like when I was a kid. So it like changes your perspective have
Maureen:to get yourself like you're the leader in this situation. You have to get yourself out of that mindset. Like Okay, we're home turn the TV on, like, yeah, it's right. You get in it, and you're like, Oh, my God, no, we're watching too much TV. And then you're like, no, go play with your blocks go color go, like, let's go outside. Let's go for a walk. So I think like, it'll take him a little bit longer to get back into the not TV all the time routine. Another thing that I know that we do, and I'm sure other moms can relate is I have to use the TV if I'm home alone with him, and I need to nurse the baby. And I need to go put her in a room. So I'll be out of the room with him. He's okay in the room. I'm sell for like, I don't know, two minutes or so. So I feel like if I have to use it to get a parenting thing done or a safety thing, and I know he'll sit on the couch, instead of trying to like climb on his toy kitchen or something. That's when I try to use I try to use it for a benefit for myself, if that makes sense.
Chrissy:Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Well, and so we're just even diving in and talking about TV. But like, yeah, and you you were talking about how your kids more resort to devices, like an iPad. Right? So now you're jumping into the conversation of Well, that's affordable. So where do you draw the line? Like if you're on road trips, or if they want to take it on the wait list? Obviously, if they're taking the bus, they're not taking it with them to school, but if they're taking it with them in the car, or things like that, like when you set those limits Annie with the two hours or whatever the time limit is, did you get pushback right away from your kids? Or are they just kind of used to it at this point?
Annie:Well, I mean, I think they're just in general used to me being very strict, the split screen time. So it's not like oh, what's going on with mom now? Like, all of a sudden she's laying down? You know, they're like, all this is very normal for mom to say, you had enough screen time. But no, I mean, the beauty with the you know, again, the individual devices is exactly that, like you no matter where it is, they still have that same screen time and that amount, but I think what is challenging is that not everybody in my family's life, it feels the same way. So I'm definitely you know, very, I recognize that this is the one thing that I'm very, very strict about, there's not a lot that I have strong opinions on. But for some reason, this is one thing, like I'm very adamant about, and my husband does not agree, tries to accommodate me, but interesting now, he will sneak in a lot of movie nights. And I'll say things like, oh, gosh, they've already had their, you know, screentime a lot met for this today. And he'll, you know, he'll squeeze it in. And, and then of course when they go to their grandparents house because their grandparents are very involved. You know, I don't feel like I can really speak up to say no, you can't let them watch anything else. Because, you know, it's a lot to watch all three of my kids. Yeah, yeah. So I do give myself a lot of not just myself, but I do give the situation a lot of flexibility and try not to stress out if we do go over screen time, because there are times, like you guys are saying, like if kids are sick, or even during this whole, you know, past year of everyone just having to be indoors more. I did very much kind of set aside my, my requirements for myself and my family, and made a lot of exceptions. So do my kids have a lot more screen time than I want them to have? Yes. But I really try to keep a healthy check and balance on how I'm responding to different scenarios that happen throughout the day. Because
Maureen:now I feel like I am in survival mode right now with the ages of my kids. Do you feel like when your kids were my age, you you had like good bound healthy boundaries, like this setup? Or were you more like me, like, I need that TV in my life?
Annie:I think I was more like that. Because I yeah, I mean, I think a lot of moms would agree that you are in survival mode at certain age groups and or age ranges and and I was very strategic about when and when I would use you know the device I'm or when you go to a restaurant. I'm Yeah, when little ones. Yeah, but now my youngest. I'm like, you know what? Play on my phone, because I need some I need to be able to digest my food as I'm eating. Right. Yeah. Yeah,
Maureen:I drive to once I get to your point have those type of things. I just were not there.
Chrissy:Yeah, well, it's a thought that counts more. If it makes you feel any better, I am in the same boat. And I'm going to be soon again, you know, starting starting from scratch and, and kind of dealing with with that of having three kids and a baby and then a toddler and then an older kid. The other thing I'm running into, and Annie and I guess Maureen, to be great to have your perspective is not only like the amount of screen time, but what they're watching because like my eight year old is interested in different things than my four year old. And the things my eight year olds watching may not be appropriate for my four year old. So I always struggle with like finding that balance of what can they watch. And also like, the TV ratings are definitely not like for the ages that they say they're four because I will sit in and watch things. And I'm like, What in the world? is this? Like, now? Do you guys use any tools or anything to see to make sure what your kids are watching is appropriate?
Maureen:I know Annie has a plethora, don't you?
Annie:I do I I've always been on the lookout for different, you know, device systems and you know, apps to help with that. Overall, we have got pretty strict guidelines on you know, the rating. So even my 14 year old now. She can't everything has his password protected above PG, so she can watch anything that is PG rated. But she can't she has to ask permission if she wants something. That's pG 13. Now, very recently, we started, you know, she started with questing, certain pG 13 shows or movies and we always check them out as best as we can. And then we allow them allow our access. You know, once at a time, I feel like I'm probably more strict than other people are. Because I do now like my husband always says she's, she's 14 Now she should be able to watch pG 13 stuff. But I think for me, it's probably because she's my my first child. And so I'm still trying to figure out, like what's appropriate or not, I might not be as this this strict for my youngest. Yeah, I don't know. But that's what we've been doing for now. But then they're all their individual devices have limits that that you can set, especially devices, you can go into content settings, and you can actually really in a granular way, you know, set their settings and what they have access to or not I definitely recommend all parents doing that. If your kid has their own device, because the default setting just allows everything in any Yeah, you know, which is really scary. So, yeah. And then I have been I've never thought about so now I will. Yeah, I mean you can it the default setting is you can allow explicit con To come through on your device that allows searching of any, any kind of content, you know. So there's, there's a lot of that, that you can just block, especially if you have, like an Apple device, I think I'm pretty sure the all the other device types too must have some kind of parental control settings. And then it also has like settings where you can say, Well, you know, you can't, your kid can't have access from this time until that time, you know, so you can kind of set limit when they can start using their device. And when they have to stop, as well as overall, like time limits to like, up to two hours on, you know, this one game or whatever. Yeah, there's this other app that's called bark, which I recently subscribed to, which is more of a monitoring app. So that is something I have installed on all the kids devices. And that tells me, it's really fascinating. It actually alerts parents, if there is some kind of, you know, the text message conversations that are going on that relates to anything like violence, or, you know, bullying or any anything like that it kind of catches those conversations. So, of course, my younger two don't really, I mean, my son at nine does text his friend once in a while, you know, just basic questions. But you know, with my 14 year old, she is doing a lot of texting with her friends. So it does allow me to keep an eye on things at a top level without invading her privacy.
Chrissy:My gosh, I'm like, dreading that stage of life with so we have the opposite approach. Like, I love that you have individual devices for them, because it allows you to tailor the screentime and usage and things like that. So I was always, you know, have the mindset, I don't want them to have their own iPads because we do have a TV. And if they had their own iPads, I can tell you what would happen. One would be watching a TV show, and the other would be right on the couch next to them. But on their on the iPad, right. So like, I was always like, No, they don't. And also, I just don't trust them with iPads because they're so expensive. And I'm like, they'll break it. But But yeah, I love because we do have that on our TV. And actually, one thing that we have for our son is the Nintendo Switch, which I've also found, like, you can connect and talk to other people on that. So we have the setting set really high where he can't do that he's not connected. And there is that time allowed, then he definitely figured out the passcode though, so we have to change that. Because every time he tells him the time is up, he just like puts the passcode. And I'm like, oh my god. Oh, wow. So yeah, I mean, I think that I love that bark app is really cool. Because I know like, my goodness, when my kids get to that age where they're texting, it's gonna be so stressful because you don't want to be overbearing, but you also want to be protective, and you never know what's going to happen or, or what they're saying. Alright, so that, you know, kind of brings us to the next conversation piece and any touch on this a little bit like how do you guys deal with your partner not being on the same page? Or even like your kids going to other people's houses, not even in the family, like friends houses? So how do you deal with not, you know, having those regulations or rules in place when they go elsewhere?
Annie:I mean, I feel like, it's, that's really hard. I haven't really been able to figure it out how to handle it. I mean, like I said before, when they're at other people's houses, I'm not sure if I feel comfortable speaking up or saying, you know, saying, hey, let's turn this off. Especially if someone's watching my kids. For me, I feel like I don't I really can't say anything. So I just keep my mouth shut. When it comes to my husband. You know, trust me, we've had many disagreements, many are, you know, arguments over and over time he has kind of met me in the middle we've both had to. We've both had to kind of put aside our differences and agree to just try our best to navigate this together. But he definitely has come away from where he used to be. And I've relaxed a little bit probably not enough for his from his perspective, but that's how it is at our house. Yeah.
Chrissy:Maureen, what about you? Because I know your mom watches the kids a lot. Right? So do you run into any of that with with her or if anybody else you know, is watching your kids?
Maureen:Yeah, so right now it's just my mom and Tom's mom that really have control. Over, like Declan watching any TV so one thing that was interesting that when Declan was little my mommy supply like kind of music videos from Disney shows on her phone for him during lunch. And then you know steamrolled it got like abused and he was not want to go down for his nap because he wanted to watch one more mohana song. And so I think and he said this earlier like you, our parents are watching our kids and our kids are a lot sometimes just because they're younger. And so you don't want to be too hard and too strict. Like No, you have to be educational and purposeful at every second because like, it's a lot. Like my mom watches my baby and my toddler while I'm working. And I know it's exhausting. So I, I was trying to find a happy medium between Okay, I know, this lets everyone just kind of relax at lunchtime keeps him occupied makes them eat his food. But I didn't like it. And it got clear that it needed to end. So you know, we agreed like okay, like we can do music and not screen music, but music music. And then let's just wait slowly faded out of the routine, which was really good. Something else that like my husband and I are on the same page, we're both obsessed with TV, we went to school for film and television, like we're TV buffs. We love it. We it's just who we are. So we come from it in a very different angles, other people were on the same page, we don't want our kids to be watching too much. We want them to be developmentally appropriate for their age. So we're good we're at we have a united front. And that regard. And we also have united front on like what types of TV shows that we want them to watch, like they're calmer, more age appropriate TV shows, and one set teaching lessons and their educational. So like Sesame Street is a great one. I like a lot of lessons that come from Daniel Tiger. And then there's the kid shows that are like coming at you at every second and this and that. And it's so much like sensory stuff. And and sometimes he gets that going to other places. And then that gets absorbed into our household. And we both tried to keep it out and things like that. So I think that's another thing like, what's the quality of the television that you're allowing? Is it educational? Is it calm? Or is it crazy in your face? Are they my son, I think picked up something from older cousins about like, witches on a TV show. And now he's afraid of witches and says they're in his room. And so it's like mother's a witch in your bedroom. And I'm like, that's and it's you know, it's the outside world coming into our house. So it's those things I am concerned about. And so we try to nip those in the bud but like it, what can you do? It's it's not always going to be perfect, but I try for quality television and and i also like when Nana has Declan for a full day at his house. Thank you, Nana. That is it. Go watch whatever you want. Right? Because I know that she lets them watch TV at lunchtime. And that's their thing. And you get a little spoiled at Nana's house and Soviet so
Annie:yeah, well, that's really awesome that you and your husband on the same page, I think, you know, you you've definitely avoided a lot of arguments and heated conversations just from that. So I think you're, you know, you're definitely lucky in that aspect. I do feel like I don't really consider although I have all these like, you know, limits on the amount of screen time and you know, reading limits, I don't often actually look at the content of their what they're watching to really evaluate it because just because of lack of time and energy. Yeah. And to and some laziness, you know, like, yeah,
Chrissy:let's be honest, you're like losing brain cells or watching what your kids are watching.
Maureen:isn't always critic because I have that mentality just from Yeah, it's what I saw. I'm like, oh, what that show isn't written well or.
Chrissy:Right, right. Yeah, no. Well, I always like look back to so my son is a and like, we're in that stage now where he's like, not into cartoons anymore. He's anymore like the kid movies. And so I get so excited. Like, I want to introduce you to like what I watched as a kid and sitting down and watching them. I'm like, Oh my gosh, I watched these as a kid like, there's like passwords in here. What in the world? Like I know, and like my parents weren't like they didn't why they were pretty strict with that. I was like never allowed to watch MTV or anything like I was very sheltered from that, but like, some it's just how it was like in the 80s and the 90s. Like you're watching shows with like that have some bad words in it. And now like I'm like, like Jurassic Park, right? He's showing the dinosaurs. And it was a good one. And I was like, no, no.
Maureen:I still have nightmares from Jurassic Park. And I remember having them when I was younger, because that is the scariest movie. Yeah, right. Yeah. So yeah, there's things that you don't realize are scary now. Yeah, that are so scary. Like, even parts of a lot of Disney movies, I think are very scary, especially if you're a two and a half year old, like, yeah, even scary, smart parts and like Toy Story. Right? Like, it's just, you're like, Oh, what a happy Disney movie. And then you're like, Yeah, he's like, fast forward. I'm like, Oh my god, I'm
Chrissy:so sorry. There was something really funny that happened the other night. So and this is kind of a whole separate conversation because talking about like being on the same page as your partner at nighttime, like I'm big on, we always read a couple books together, and then it's quiet time. But with my son, he's super into like, major shows on YouTube. Like Coyote Peterson and like, it's all educational, like gray hair. Like, we've kind of got sucked into that. Okay, let's read a couple books. But like, I'm totally into it to some of them. But the other night, we're watching for one watching, like a discovery channel thing on like, bugs, right? And they started talking about the kissing bug, which is like, really creepy. And like, me and my son, both were like, Alright, let's turn this off. Because it was talking about like how the bug comes in your bed at night and like, bite your face. I was like, Oh, so. So I like turned it off really quick. And I went downstairs and my son called me back up like half hour later. And he's like, Did you look and see if there's kissing bugs around us? Like, we're watching these educational videos. Yeah. So that's like a whole conversation to like, do you I know. Well, you probably both probably don't allow like, screentime at bedtime. But that's like, also our fun time to watch, like nature shows together. And so I really struggle with that. And I always tell my husband like, no screen time, no screen time. But I always walk in there and they're watching something. I don't know how to like go about that. Because to any sport, like you do need to meet in the middle. But I feel like screen time right before bed is also really bad. So I don't know. We're just we're trying to get by, I guess. But
Annie:yeah, I mean, in the summertime or on the weekends, we definitely my you know, like, like I said before my husband I mean, a movie night. So you know, we don't worry about it too much. But, you know, it is really hard when you know, when it is something that you guys do really enjoy as a family too. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe there's some flexibility there. Because it's kind of family time as well.
Chrissy:Yeah. Right. Yeah. So well, and and you had mentioned with your oldest that you're not you're currently not allowing any social media, which is like, totally amazing to me that you're able to do that. And that she complies. And it's great. And I know you like having another hurdle when she goes into high school because that probably will change. But what kind of like, how do you I know, obviously, social media can be scary for our kids. But Maureen, I know you have some like positives to that you there was like an article. I think that key we put out about positives and social media too, right?
Maureen:Yeah, of course. I mean, and just the internet in general. I mean, it's such a, there's a wealth of knowledge out there, and it's a good learning resource for our kids. And as far as social media goes, sometimes that's a great way for our kids to stay connected to each other, especially over this last year when everyone couldn't see their friends. So there there's of course positive aspects of it. But they have to be weighed against the dangers and the scary things that could happen and Annie is, is you know, I would like to do what I don't want my kids on social media like I will be more strict once we get to that stage than I am with TV. Like I just I just all the scary things that I don't want that I feel like the best thing you can do as a parent is really prepare for that stage and and get educated set up all the different filters have all the conversations and don't start it until you think that your child not just an age your child is like mentally mature enough, right that because if they're not then you can go down this like you know when so I guess I feel like the internet happened when I was in late grade school, early High School and I'm just on there like whatever and no one was telling me what to do because it was so brand new, and definitely not doing the safest of things you know. So it. It's very, I think that is like such an important thing because you don't know who's on the other end and you don't know what information can be taken from them and bullying and all. It's such a scarier, it's scary. I'm scared. Yeah, yeah, well,
Chrissy:I always I always like worried too, you know you because you as a family, you have your own set of rules. But you also want to be aware of your kid being that like outsider, right, if all their friends, that's a question I have for you with with your oldest like, has she felt that pressure from her friends? I'm sure some of her friends have social media. So Has she felt that pressure or like talk to you about that? And how do you deal with that?
Annie:You know, I think that one of the big things I wanted I want to share is that we started early talking to our kids about it. So it's not like once you became a teenager, we are all of a sudden lay down lay down the law, it started very early. As a matter of fact, they think we gave Ella her phone or oldest her phone when she was 11. Now, that's a lot earlier than what I had wanted when I wanted to start. But she was showing a lot of maturity at that age. And there were I think there was a reason why we gave it to her we might have it might have been four because we wanted to get a hold of her winter activities. And so we started early with with a very, very consensual agreement from her that, you know, she had an extremely limited phone time at that point. And she had to put her phone up stairs at night before she goes to bed and which is still actually happening. Now she doesn't get her to sleep with her phone. But we had conversations very early on when she was not as when before teenagers get rebellious, you know. So I'm sharing that to say that if you have those conversations, and you have those guidelines in place, when they're early, when they're early on, then it's not as difficult to implement that. And stay consistent with it as they get older. So it's so much easier to relax your restrictions as they get older, then tighten your restrictions as they get older. And of course, we also want to avoid her being unhappy with the rules and kind of rebelling against it as well. So yeah, so with social media, you know, like I said before, I mean, when the conversation comes up, where she says, Oh, my friend, so and so has Tick Tock and you know, why can I have Tick Tock or when I downloaded tic Tock for myself? Right? Yeah. Mom, you have Tick tock, why can I have Tick tock, you know, so things like that has come up. And we would just have a conversation again about well, this is why we have these guidelines in our household. And so I think at every turn, we just always have a mature conversation with her and I'm not 100% closed off with the idea. It's just, you know, she hasn't really asked and begged for it yet. So I'm waiting for the moment when she's going to stay. Listen, everyone else has Instagram, I must have Instagram. I think we'll have a conversation about how we can get her Instagram, but also keep it safe. That I think is going to be you know, many nights of doing online research and talking to many people. Yeah,
Chrissy:well, can you write a book so that when Maureen and I are at that stage, just referencing Well, at that point, some new social media is gonna pop out. It's true. That is true. I know. Well, I
Maureen:know. But I'm having you write an article for qiwi on this because I feel like you've blazed the path. And I I like what you're doing. And I feel like a lot of parents out there can use this type of guidance to especially or I don't know what I'm doing so well, this regard.
Chrissy:I also think it's important and we have a couple minutes left here to kind of finish the conversation but it's also important as a parent to lead by example, right? Like it's it's one thing if we say to our kids, you can only have an hour of screen time with them. We're on our phones all day. Even just being aware of like working on our laptops and answering emails right we might not be surfing you know, surfing the web might sound like my parents in the 90s like we might not be like scrolling in our phone but we might just be answering an email but they still see us on our device right? So being aware like having those conversations like we're really big in our family. And this is somewhere where my husband definitely needs me no phones at the dinner table like when we sit down as a family phones are put away we don't even open it. We don't look at it. We have conversation. I'm really big on the meal time together as a family. Like small things like that to just keeping it consistent, I think is really helpful. So Annie, are you are you pretty like good at regulating yourself with social and same with you marine like or even just your phone.
Annie:I mean, I I try I am very intentional about saying this. Same things like meal time putting it away, intentional about, you know, when my kids aren't on screens, that I tried to get off my screens too. But, you know, the reality is probably not happening all the time and right. I definitely, probably need to work on that area myself. Yeah. Yeah, I
Maureen:need to work on it. Absolutely. And I tried to keep my phone in the other room if we're playing Yeah. We don't do phones at dinner. I don't think we've ever had the conversation about it. We just don't do it, which is good. But then you get to go down a rabbit hole and you have it out or you're in the middle of a text conversation. You're then you're with your kids. So it's, it's a constant like, okay, you have to check yourself constantly. And sometimes you're doing better than others. But I'm always striving to not have it as much as I do. But I have way too much. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. This episode is brought to you in part by now, since 1968. Family owned now has been providing high quality natural products. They're pleased to introduce now kids their line of children's supplements that are great tasting and formulated with clean, functional ingredients add value prices, you'll love available and tasty liquids and chewables from calcium ndhca to akinesia. And probiotics now makes it easy for kids to get the nutrients they need to start on the road to lifelong health. Here's what's new at mom's me and Kiwi magazine. Don't miss Kiwi magazines fall issue dropping August 31. We're covering how you can create a more connected family through peaceful parenting and back to school tips, tricks, supplies, and so much more. As always, we've got some amazing sampling opportunities at mom's meet right now you can apply to try Maverick snacks, birthday cake cookies, rebellious plant based nuggets, Malibu milk, unsweetened vanilla, flax milk and cow multisource Kids multivitamins. Alright, so now that we're kind of wrapping up here, I just want to say I'm so happy that we had this conversation because I've learned so much from both of you. And there's so many insights, especially since you're in stages, like ahead of me that now I feel a little bit more prepared on on what I'm going to face in the future. And, and I really liked it. And the sad is that she talks with our kids at an earlier age, when it comes to social media and safety. So I think that that's something in my head. All now Now I need to start prepping that conversation long before we allow it in our house to to kind of get them mature and ready for that. So I've learned a lot. Thank you both for teaching me your way.
Chrissy:Well, I feel like I was learning from the two of you. So I appreciate you know, just the candor and the conversation. I think at the end of the day, like my biggest takeaway is that each family does it differently. And there's no right or wrong way, right? It's whatever it is for your family. And also, like, you might go and this was a big one for me. You might go into it, even before you have kids, you might go into it thinking this is what I'm going to do, and it's going to work and we're gonna stick to it. And then you have kids and you're like wait, that's a good joke. Right? So just kind of going with the flow and knowing that you can change and switch gears in terms of what works for your family and knowing that sometimes it's okay to have a little bit more screentime and others you need to be more present with your children. Right. So I think that healthy balance in between, you know, finding, and also like to Andy's point, if it's something that's super important to you, like, stick with it and have those conversations with your kids. Um, but just knowing that no one's perfect, and you got it you got to survive. That's my biggest like, slogan like survival mode. Yeah. I think I've said it like five times in this podcast. I've also said it. Yeah, right. So just you're never going to be perfect. But Annie, what was your I'm interested to hear what your takeaway was? Because I feel like we because you have older kids like we were like, geared more towards listening to your perspective.
Annie:Yeah, no, I mean, first of all, I just want to say you guys are amazing moms, you're doing a great job. I was just where, you know, I was just like, you guys, when I had little ones I really was, you know, struggled with a lot of the same things. And the only reason it seems like I have it but you know, all together now is because I have a lot more time to work things through. So don't be you know, intimidated by that all I mean, I still don't know what I'm doing in parenting. You know in the parenting role in the parenting realm. Overall, so yeah, so just an encouragement that you know what just the fact that you're, you're talking about this and wanting to have the conversation makes you a good mom to start with, in my opinion. And, and the other thing is to like, just, let's kind of give ourselves some grace. And I, you know, let ourselves off the hook once in a while, and you know, on some days when they get more screentime, it's not the end of the world. No, you can start fresh the next day. And, and then you can also just have that conversation with your kids. And, you know, my biggest I guess, last piece of advice would to you guys that I had to learn the hard way is just that your kids are a lot more perceptive and mature than you think they are, like, you know, again, just being able to have that conversation even when they're little. and treat them like you would, you know, an adult, like, just tell them that no luck, you know, this is how things are in our family. And this is how we do things. And so I would just encourage you guys to, you know, to do that with your family, and in the end, we'll, you know, all be okay. Our kids will be okay. Yeah.
Chrissy:Yeah, absolutely. Well, I'm so glad that we had the ability to have this conversation together and just kind of chat through, you know, what we what we do in our own families. And thank you to everybody for listening. So make sure you hit that like and subscribe button. And to make it don't you make sure that you don't miss any of the latest podcast episodes. Next week. We're talking with Dr. Laura Markham from aha parenting about how we as parents can regulate our emotions and handle our kids emotions at the same time, sharing emotion coaching techniques, ways we can connect better with our kids and so much more. Well, thank you everyone, for joining our first podcast. We hope you all enjoyed it. Have a great day. Thank you. Thanks, bye